Stream

sleep with the door open so roommates wake me at a normal hour instead of the regular 3 PM.  Do not care to leave my bed, "whatever guys."  

Who are you addressing

do not know do not care

these particular words are pretty stuck on this page

"Oh my parents had this book."

oh that's cool, I'll love it more than they love you promise.

GodDAMN language is so finite esp. when I don't care much for big elaborate words/grammar/sentence structure.  So I try Latin but that's even more limited "All's I know is" no matter how much I know it will never be enough I like poetry better than fiction because it doesn't FEEL fake, this book I'm reading now feels so fake, it's about a woman who thinks/is the last person on the earth.  Which happens to be my biggest fear and if I wrote a book as the last person on Earth it would be a lot more practical than this woman talking about the Louvre and Plato.  PRETENSION AT THE END OF SOCIETY IS SO SILLY.  Who are you impressing, Ms. Namedropper?  Foolish and feels false.  Poetry is better because it feels real - it feels like a person.  Poets, real poets, are so sneaky and deliberate.  It's almost 2 AM again.

GodDAMN.

If I were to write as the last person it would be a log of: safe/not safe.  To help remember.  I probably also wouldn't last long I'd get bored or get eaten or overestimate my survival skills.  I smoke so much sometimes my lips bleed and peel and it's exhausting to think of moving to Mnhtn and noise and so many people and their voices and gesticulations I wanna swap voices with a Catholic priest so I can do that singing thing they do at the Eucharist been thinking about Church a lot lately I think I need a ritual too.  To keep it together or something.  Wish I could read German wish I could speak French got a lot of wishes and some time to work on it Miss the lake in Canada feel like water-skiing been thinking about my Canadian relatives a lot want to travel also want to stay put got restlessness lots of protest songs to kind of get this out.  Feeling passive-aggressive lately want to pick a fight want to break a nose or a kneecap want to smash a bottle.  Want to learn a good magic trick one that no one's seen before

GodDAMN IT IS HOT IN THE SUMMER & COLD IN THE WINTER GUESS YOU'D CALL THAT TEMPERATE.  Been thinking of the word "apologetic" lately do not like guilt

Miss the trees and water and waterfalls often.  Like to kill silences with noise like my lips hot from smoking like learning to ignore hunger